Here is my first nail blog. Yay! I promise I will get better at taking pictures of my nails.
Brown: Ulta: Taupe On A Rope
Gold: High Roller
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Friday, December 10, 2010
Words I Hate
There are words that make my skin crawl. Here they are. Say words out loud for full impact.
1. Flesh: I had a Bible teacher that wanted to constantly make sure we understood that Jesus was FLESH. She would pinch the skin on her arm when she said it to emphasis her point.
2. Ointment: I don't like this word because saying "oi" sounds nasal and gross.
3. Panties: Unless you are 5 years old, don't say it.
4. Pus: Self-explanatory
5. Pearl: I know that pearls are pretty, but say this word out loud. It's stupid.
6. Grotty: This word literally makes me cringe when someone says it.
So your lesson for today: Don't say words that are ugly. I'm sure there are hundreds more that I can't think of at the moment. Just don't do it.
1. Flesh: I had a Bible teacher that wanted to constantly make sure we understood that Jesus was FLESH. She would pinch the skin on her arm when she said it to emphasis her point.
2. Ointment: I don't like this word because saying "oi" sounds nasal and gross.
3. Panties: Unless you are 5 years old, don't say it.
4. Pus: Self-explanatory
5. Pearl: I know that pearls are pretty, but say this word out loud. It's stupid.
6. Grotty: This word literally makes me cringe when someone says it.
So your lesson for today: Don't say words that are ugly. I'm sure there are hundreds more that I can't think of at the moment. Just don't do it.
Friday, December 3, 2010
Trapped
Has This Ever Happened To You?
A person you don't particularly want to speak with texts your phone.
To be polite, you text them back.
THEN
They call you right after you text them because they know that you are with your phone and obviously free. THEY TRAP YOU.
Why Does This Happen?
People do this when they know it's the only way someone will talk to them. They are not ashamed of how pathetic they are.
Why Do I Consistently Fall For It?
I will ALWAYS answer the phone because I don't want them to think I'm a bitch. The truth is, I am a bitch. While I'm talking to them on the phone, I am repeating over and over in my head "I wish you would fall down an elevator shaft."
That's not really true. But I am annoyed. So, please don't trap me. It makes me sad. Thanks.
A person you don't particularly want to speak with texts your phone.
To be polite, you text them back.
THEN
They call you right after you text them because they know that you are with your phone and obviously free. THEY TRAP YOU.
Why Does This Happen?
People do this when they know it's the only way someone will talk to them. They are not ashamed of how pathetic they are.
Why Do I Consistently Fall For It?
I will ALWAYS answer the phone because I don't want them to think I'm a bitch. The truth is, I am a bitch. While I'm talking to them on the phone, I am repeating over and over in my head "I wish you would fall down an elevator shaft."
That's not really true. But I am annoyed. So, please don't trap me. It makes me sad. Thanks.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Dear Men, Just Listen
Long, long ago when great mastodons roamed the earth...
Woman: That saber-tooth tiger is really bothering me. He scares the kids and he keeps eating our meat!
Man: I go kill. KILL!
Modern time...
Woman: My boss is really bothering me. He never listens to what I say and he doesn't pay me enough.
Man: I go kill. KILL!
Lets face it...
Men have not evolved in how they approach women's problems. I'm not saying that I don't appreciate the cave-man desire to kill something and bring it back to us as a prize. That's very thoughtful. What I'm saying is that we no longer need you to kill our problems. Listening is the perfect alternative.
Men want to solve a woman's problems before she's even done describing them. That's nice, but most of the time, all we want is someone to listen and be sympathetic.
Important Hint: If we want help we will say "please help me...." or "what do you think I should do about..."
In the future after all men have read this blog...
Woman: Betsy keeps making fun of me because she has purple skin and three more eyes than I have.
Man: I go ki- I mean, I'm sorry honey, that really sucks, want me to bring you some ice cream?
Woman: Ice cream would be great, but maybe later. The fact that you were so sensitive and sympathetic was so hot that all I want to do is have mad, passionate sex. Right now.
See what I did there? I'm letting men know that they will get sex in return for being awesome. Let the revolution begin.
Woman: That saber-tooth tiger is really bothering me. He scares the kids and he keeps eating our meat!
Man: I go kill. KILL!
Modern time...
Woman: My boss is really bothering me. He never listens to what I say and he doesn't pay me enough.
Man: I go kill. KILL!
Lets face it...
Men have not evolved in how they approach women's problems. I'm not saying that I don't appreciate the cave-man desire to kill something and bring it back to us as a prize. That's very thoughtful. What I'm saying is that we no longer need you to kill our problems. Listening is the perfect alternative.
Men want to solve a woman's problems before she's even done describing them. That's nice, but most of the time, all we want is someone to listen and be sympathetic.
Important Hint: If we want help we will say "please help me...." or "what do you think I should do about..."
In the future after all men have read this blog...
Woman: Betsy keeps making fun of me because she has purple skin and three more eyes than I have.
Man: I go ki- I mean, I'm sorry honey, that really sucks, want me to bring you some ice cream?
Woman: Ice cream would be great, but maybe later. The fact that you were so sensitive and sympathetic was so hot that all I want to do is have mad, passionate sex. Right now.
See what I did there? I'm letting men know that they will get sex in return for being awesome. Let the revolution begin.
I Hate Animal Rights
Don't get me wrong: I love animals. I just love humans more. The next time someone asks you to sign a petition to stop the euthanizing of animals ask them this: Who is going to give all the money needed to take care of the hundreds of thousands of animals that are unwanted? You? If you want to do it, then adopt them all yourself. If not, Shut up.
Also, to vegans, I respect your decision but please don't try to convince me that I should be like you. If you do, this is what I will say: you claim that animals are just as important/special/wonderful as humans and should not be eaten/taken advantage of. If animals were really equal to humans, they would be much more intelligent and wouldn't do things like eat their own babies. Further more, if all lives are sacred, you should remember that a life is defined as something that can grow and reproduce. This includes vegetables. If you want to eat something that is not alive try some rocks or dirt.
These people have so much passion for what they do. I wish they would use that passion for something more important like feeding orphans, getting children free healthcare, curing cancer, stopping war, ending hate crimes and so forth.
Next time you want to save an animal, save a human instead.
Love, Bethany
Also, to vegans, I respect your decision but please don't try to convince me that I should be like you. If you do, this is what I will say: you claim that animals are just as important/special/wonderful as humans and should not be eaten/taken advantage of. If animals were really equal to humans, they would be much more intelligent and wouldn't do things like eat their own babies. Further more, if all lives are sacred, you should remember that a life is defined as something that can grow and reproduce. This includes vegetables. If you want to eat something that is not alive try some rocks or dirt.
These people have so much passion for what they do. I wish they would use that passion for something more important like feeding orphans, getting children free healthcare, curing cancer, stopping war, ending hate crimes and so forth.
Next time you want to save an animal, save a human instead.
Love, Bethany
Just Say No
Why is it so difficult for people to say "no" when they want to?
It's just a one-syllable word; only two letters long!
Try saying it once in awhile instead of saying "yes" but not meaning it, or saying nothing. I pisses me off so much when someone says "yes" but they're faking it. People do this ALL the time. It's as though there needs to be a boot camp where the human race can go to learn how to say "no." If that idea ever takes off, I will gladly be in charge. Here is where I will start...
How To Say "No":
STEP ONE: Consider the question being asked of you.
STEP TWO: Consider what your truthful answer is
STEP THREE: If your answer is "yes" say "yes" if your answer is "no" proceed to step four
STEP FOUR: Think of a polite way to phrase your answer
STEP FIVE: Grow a pair and just say "no"
Love, Bethany
It's just a one-syllable word; only two letters long!
Try saying it once in awhile instead of saying "yes" but not meaning it, or saying nothing. I pisses me off so much when someone says "yes" but they're faking it. People do this ALL the time. It's as though there needs to be a boot camp where the human race can go to learn how to say "no." If that idea ever takes off, I will gladly be in charge. Here is where I will start...
How To Say "No":
STEP ONE: Consider the question being asked of you.
STEP TWO: Consider what your truthful answer is
STEP THREE: If your answer is "yes" say "yes" if your answer is "no" proceed to step four
STEP FOUR: Think of a polite way to phrase your answer
STEP FIVE: Grow a pair and just say "no"
Love, Bethany
Friday, October 15, 2010
The Complex Infrastructure Known As The Female Mind
(That title is from the song Mood Rings by Reliant K http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sP5QvnwIWrI)
- Thongs Are Not Comfortable. If a girl says she wears thongs and they're really comfortable...she's a liar. Sorry. Thong's aren't uncomfortable per se, but they definitely aren't comfortable. They're sexy and we know boy's like them. That's why we wear them.
- We Dress Up For Other Girls. Girls do not get all dressed up for boys. We want to be hot and girls judge hotness harshly. Therefore, we try to impress every girl we see by getting pretty.
- There Is A Girl Code. Not only is there a girl code, but there are strict penalties for breaking the girl code. I have broken the girl code. My advice: It's not worth it.
- We Crave Affirmation. Give us compliments and give them to us now. It's not that difficult. Don't make us ask "how do I look?" Don't be a bitch, tell us we're pretty.
- Menstruation Is Not A Big Deal. Don't flip out and act like it's the freakiest thing in the world. Every girl has a period. It is not scary. If it creeps you out, my advice: get over it.
- We Like Boobs. Boobs are fun. They look pretty, they're fun to touch, and they're multi-functional. We may not love them as much as guys, but we definitely like them.
- We Have Questions We Never Ask. Everyone has questions about the opposite sex that they don't want to ask. What does it feel like to have a penis? Is it fun to pee standing up? Is it hard to ask out a girl?
- Girls Like Sex. Don't believe that girls never think about sex. Don't believe that men want sex much more than women. We are interested in sex. We have fantasies. Cool, right?
- We Have Naked Pillow Fights. Just kidding.
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